Lately, I’ve noticed a quiet theme running through conversations with friends, clients, and colleagues in Los Angeles—people are struggling. For some it’s a “lifequake” as the writer Bruce Feiler described in his book, Life is in the Transitions. For some, their marriages are ending and their once stable jobs are now gone. For others, it’s not in the dramatic, falling-apart kind of way, but in a quieter, more insidious way. They're in relationships that feel flat or disconnected. They exist in a dead letter office of work and career. They’re living in a city they once dreamed about, but now feel drained by. They're working hard and still feel like it's not enough—financially, emotionally, or spiritually.
It’s a strange kind of burnout. The kind that comes from being out of alignment in too many areas at once: love, place, and purpose. And in high-performance cultures like LA—where image, ambition, and constant motion are often mistaken for fulfillment—that misalignment can be easy to miss.
1. Relationships That Can’t Breathe
When you're stretched thin or stuck in survival mode due to work or career, relationships suffer. Many people I talk to feel like they’re “partnered” but not truly connected. Conversations revolve around logistics, not dreams and companionship. Intimacy becomes routine and ends up non-existent. Or conflict simmers just beneath the surface ready to erupt. .
Often, the relationship isn’t broken—it’s just starved. Starved of space, intention, and honest reflection and connection. And in a city where everyone’s chasing something, relationships can become background noise to the main event: achievement.
2. Living in a City That Doesn’t Quite Feel Like Home
LA offers sunshine, opportunity, and energy—but for many, it’s also isolating, overstimulating, and financially punishing. You can spend hours in traffic, pay $2 million for a 1000 sq foot starter home that needs about 500k in work, or pay $4,000/month for rent, and still feel miles away from community and home.
This disconnect from place isn’t just about geography—it’s about meaning. Where we live shapes how we feel. If the environment isn’t feeding your nervous system or your values, your body notices, even if your résumé looks great.
3. Making Money—but Still Feeling Stuck
Even successful people in LA often feel like they’re barely holding it together financially. The cost of living is high. The pressure to “look the part” is even higher. The lifestyle treadmill never seems to stop.
When your sense of financial security never catches up to your effort, it creates a low-level anxiety that doesn’t go away—because it’s tied to identity, self-worth, and belonging in a place that often celebrates external success over internal alignment.
4. The Cost of Misalignment
When you're misaligned in one area of life, it creates tension. When you’re misaligned in two, it creates instability. But when three or more parts of your life feel off, it creates a kind of stuckness that can quietly suck the joy out of everything.
This isn’t just burnout—it’s a systemic issue of living from the outside-in, instead of from the inside-out.
5. So What’s the Way Through?
It starts with asking:
- What matters most to me—and am I living in a way that reflects that?
- Does this relationship(s) support my growth, or just maintain comfort?
- Does this city/place still fit the life I’m building—or is it a story I’ve outgrown?
- Am I chasing more, or building meaning?
Real alignment doesn’t always require radical change. Sometimes it just requires a pause long enough to remember what you actually want. And the courage to take one small step in that direction.
The Way Through
Life in a place like LA will keep moving whether you’re thriving or just surviving. But your well-being depends on something deeper than momentum. It depends on alignment—with your values, your relationships, and your environment.
If everything looks good on paper, but feels off in your body—pay attention. That quiet discomfort or desperation might be the most honest thing you’re feeling all day.
