The holidays can bring warmth, connection, and meaning—but they can also bring stress, family tension, worry, and the familiar cycle of overthinking. Between packed schedules, financial pressure, travel, and old family dynamics resurfacing, it’s easy to find yourself overwhelmed.
This season, instead of striving for a picture-perfect holiday, you can use tools from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) to stay grounded, present, and aligned with what matters most to you.
One of ACT’s most powerful tools—Choice Points—helps you identify moments where you can choose actions that move you closer to (or further from) the holiday experience you genuinely want.
Understanding ACT Choice Points
A Choice Point is any moment where you notice yourself slipping into stress, anxiety, or unhelpful patterns—and you pause just long enough to make a choice.
In each Choice Point, you have two broad directions:
- Away moves
Actions driven by stress, fear, avoidance, or overthinking. They pull you away from the person you want to be. - Toward moves
Actions aligned with your values—how you want to show up during the holidays, even when things feel chaotic.
You don’t have to make perfect choices; you just have to notice the moment and choose intentionally.
Common Holiday Stressors—and the Choice Points Hidden Inside Them
Here are some scenarios where holiday stress tends to peak, and how ACT can help you meet them with more awareness and compassion.
1. Family Dynamics Flare Up
The Situation:
Old roles resurface, comments trigger you, and small disagreements feel bigger than they should.
Away moves:
- Shutting down or withdrawing
- Snapping back, arguing, or trying to “win” the moment
- Ruminating afterward (“Why did they say that?” “Why did I react like this?”)
Toward moves:
- Taking a slow breath before responding
- Naming your emotion silently (“This is frustration,” “This is anxiety”)
- Refocusing on your values—kindness, boundaries, humor, connection
- Walking away for a few minutes without avoidance (“I need a moment and I’ll come back”)
How it works:
You don’t need to change your family—you just need to choose how you want to show up.
2. Holiday Overthinking and Perfectionism
The Situation:
Trying to organize every detail, striving for the “perfect” celebration, or replaying social interactions in your mind.
Away moves:
- Overplanning or micromanaging
- Ruminating on what could go wrong
- Comparing your holiday to everyone else’s
- Self-criticism (“I should be happier,” “I’m not doing enough”)
Toward moves:
- Letting “good enough” be good enough
- Returning to the present moment using your senses
- Delegating tasks (yes, really!)
- Asking yourself: What kind of holiday memory do I want to create?
How it works:
Perfectionism steals joy. Values bring it back.
3. Anxiety About Social Gatherings
The Situation:
You’re anticipating awkward conversations, crowds, or being “on” around people for long periods.
Away moves:
- Canceling plans out of fear
- Rehearsing conversations in your head
- Overanalyzing every interaction afterward
- Trying to control how others see you
Toward moves:
- Allowing anxiety to be there without fighting it
- Focusing on genuine connection instead of performance
- Preparing one go-to grounding technique
- Leaving early if needed—but with intention, not avoidance
How it works:
The goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety—it’s to live your life even when anxiety tags along.
4. Holiday Busyness and Emotional Overload
The Situation:
Your schedule balloons, you’re juggling responsibilities, and you feel stretched thin.
Away moves:
- Saying “yes” to everything
- Ignoring your body’s signals
- Using numbing behaviors (scrolling, snacking, shutting down)
- Pushing through until you burn out
Toward moves:
- Checking in with your needs before committing
- Scheduling quiet pockets of rest
- Setting micro-boundaries (“I can join for an hour”)
- Being honest about your limits without guilt
How it works:
Overwhelm reduces your ability to be present. Rest restores it.
How to Use a Choice Point in Real Time
- Pause – Notice the moment you’re getting hooked by stress or old patterns.
- Name – Label what your mind or emotions are doing (“My mind is spiraling,” “This is worry,” “This is embarrassment”).
- Ask – “Is this an away move or a toward move?”
- Choose – Take the smallest next step that aligns with the holiday experience you want to create.
- Repeat – You will have many choice points—every day, every gathering, every situation.
You don’t need to get it right every time. You just need to keep coming back.
Values to Guide You Through the Holidays
When identifying "toward" moves, it helps to clarify the values you want to embody. Common holiday values include:
- Connection – being open, present, and engaged
- Kindness – offering compassion to others and yourself
- Fun – allowing joy, humor, or playfulness
- Peace – protecting your energy
- Gratitude – noticing small moments that matter
- Authenticity – showing up as your real self
Your values are your compass. Let them guide you—even through stress and family chaos.
Final Thought: You Don’t Need a Perfect Holiday—Just a Conscious One
Stress, anxiety, and complicated family dynamics are normal parts of this time of year.
Using ACT choice points doesn’t remove the messiness, but it gives you control over something far more powerful: how you respond to the moment you’re in.
This holiday season, may you make more towards moves, treat yourself gently, and create moments that feel meaningful—no matter what chaos swirls around you.
